A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
