Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
