SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
