i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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