They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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