I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
