Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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