Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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