i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
