Tell her she can't have a vagina
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
