She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
