Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
