Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
