Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
