At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
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some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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