Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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