i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
