I'm so fucking centered right now
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
