Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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