Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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