I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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