Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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