So drunk its hurt
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
