Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
