She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
