Soap is not a condiment
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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