Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
