life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
