When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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