I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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