So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
