found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
