Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
