he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My balls are so social today.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I enjoy the company of your penis
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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