Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He shit in the fireplace
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
