Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
