shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
