So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
