I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
