sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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