Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
