I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
