Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
