She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
