She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
