Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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