I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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