just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
