For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
