I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
