I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
false alarm. still invincible.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
