the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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