I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i think im in europe. pls send help
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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