Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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