When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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