I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
