remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
