i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
