Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize