As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
