She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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