hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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