I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
