My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
