What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
