You made me cry and you don't even care
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
