Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
