Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
