shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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