i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
