FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
