at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
did i just pee glitter
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
