Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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