Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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