I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
