xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
